A Year Later

Having a hard time sleeping.

Craftiness through observation - Thanks Mom!

I remember my mom making bib overalls for my little brother and me. I was 5 or 6.

She couldn't afford a pattern. Instead, she found and old pair, torn and discarded, that she took all the stitching out of. Then she bought the toughest jean material she could find.

She laid out the pieces from her "pattern" on the material and cut out pieces for my overalls, and did the same for my little brother, only slightly smaller.

They lasted us about 12 months before we outgrew them. My little brother then got mine as hand-me-downs...he hated that.

I started getting thrift store bought clothes...which I hated because in 1974, i was wearing stuff out of date in 1965! But my brother was envious that I got clothes bought at a store.
I think this is why he started eating a lot..to be so big that my skinny kid hand me downs could not fit his fatty kid body.

Her skills in crafting were handed down to me...I guess through osmosis and observation because I never helped her make stuff. I just watched.
Now, I make all kinds of crafty things.

Recently, I made leather arm bands with tribal tatoos because I refuse to sully my beautiful body with someone's fallible artwork. I'll post them when I get a picture of them.

OK, I'm back

Work blocks MySpace. Plus, not many are on their now.

So, when I got something to say, I'll say it here.

Still no new posts here. Still MySpacing out.

Still Own it

Blogger hasn't dumped me for lack of activity, so the blog is still here. BUt, all the cool new stuff is at my myspace site.

Keeping up

Be sure to go to www.myspace.com/reconcomedy

That's my new space for blogging.

Moving to MySpace

I am so tired of having to click on the refresh when I click on Blogger sites. I am not sure what the problem is that causes only the background to load when i first click on the blogger link. So, my posts from now on will be on myspace: www.myspace.com/reconcomedy

I hope you drop by to see me.

Sensei Ern

Merry Monday!

I don't feel comfortable telling people who celebrate other holidays, that I don't, "Happy" whatever. I barely understnad Channuka, Hannuka, or Hannakah...I sure don't know how to spell it. And, I don't know anything about Kwanzaa, Kwanza, Kwanzaaaa.

It's like saying, "Happy lighting the candle stick, " or "Happy Bean sprouts." Whenever a Jewish person wishes me "Merry Christmas" it feels like they are saying, "I'm patronizing you because you are worshipping a false Messiah," because if they thought Jesus really is the Messiah, they would be a Christian as well.

"Happy Holidays" just is too stupid. You could just as well wish someone "Happy Friday!" because at least Friday means that the work week is over and that is something we can all celebrate...except comedians because that is when we begin work.

Merry Christmas!

Jesus is the reason for the season!

He is the reason I am enjoying life.

He is the reason I can love everyone, even those I have never met.


I wish you all have a joyous Christmas!

A Church with Unity

Check out www.laurelbaptisttemple.org

I built my church's website.

Every New Year's Eve, our church has a special program called Watch Night. It is a time where the men of our church are allowed to preach for five minutes. It is a lot of fun as you will see a range of preaching.

I tend to do an instructional message. Others do encouragement. And, others do doctrinal messages. You will see skill levels from very well done to very green with a lot of desire.

The hardest part for me is that it takes me roughly one hour of study per minute of message I present. I cannot tell you why this is. It has just always been since I first preached in 1984.

My message this year will be about getting along as Christians united in the purpose of reaching people for the Lord. God moves in and uses a church that has unity. At the same time, God allows confrontation to weed out those who refuse to be used by Him.

A church that has unity will see increible things. That church will see events that could easily be classified as miracles. Not mundane things like being bite by rattle snakes and Aunt SUzie getting healed of hemmeroids. I have seen families repaired. I have seen drunkards get clean and never go back. I have seen those who oppose the church have a solid change of heart and join, becoming the strongest Christians the world has ever seen.

Our church is small, so unity is not that difficult to achieve, but it sometimes has its issues.

By the way, when you see me refer to church, I mean the group of gathered believers. If I mean the building, I will say church building.

Pastors Are Cancelling Christmas

Something that the Grinch couldn't do, because the worship of Christ melted even his stone cold heart, is being done by some pastors of mega-churches.

They are cancelling church service on Christmas. They determine that not many people are going to come anyway because they will be busy opening presents and eating Christmas hams with cranberry sauce. They figure enough people will not be at the services to provide the support needed to fully run all of the ministries of the mega-churches.

OK, let's see if these ministers notice when people do not show up when THEIR birthday is on Sunday, and when he doesn't get the birthday bonus that most churches give.

"Pastor, we won't be in church Sunday. We will be at home eating a huge feast and remembering your birthday. We know how you feel that celebrating the birth of someone annually is a pagan practice, because no one celebrated birthdays in the Bible. By the way, see the new car my wife bought me on your birthday? We used the money we were going to give you as a love offering for your birthday as a down payment."

Just to note, Laurel Baptist Temple, my church will be having a Christmas Eve service and a Sunday service.

My Southpark Character

Here's my character:

I used to watch SP a lot. In fact, some where I have a VHS copy of the original pen and ink video they used to pitch SP to Comedy Central, plus I have the original color version of that. A friend from the Discovery Channel who was a friend of a friend of someone at CC got it for me.












Today, I found a link on Free Republic that allowed me to create my own SP character.

Here's the link:
http://images.southparkstudios.com/games/create/

The Boy Who Was Raised A Girl

Last night, on TLC (The Learning Channel) the above title was the title of a show about a boy who had a botched circumcision. He was a twin of another boy.

Doctor (and I use that term loosely) John Money, who is a professor at Johns Hopkins, convinced the parents that the best action to take was to have the child undergo a sex change operation, be injected with female hormones and be raised as a girl rather than a boy. He then began studying the child. He made claims that the boy raised as a girl was responding as a girl should. He proposed that the experiment was a success.

For 15 years, he claimed he proved that the raising of a child as either a boy or girl was dominantly due to environment and not because of sexual orientation as a natural development. His vehement desire and pride caused him to commit the crime of child pornography, but has been given a free pass because he is apparently the most educated sex professor in the world. (He is lauded by the Gay and Lesbian Transsexual Bisexual movement.)

In 1980, when the boy turned 15, he rebelled against the upbringing he was subjected to and decided to live as a boy, and not a girl, not having been told of this by his parents until after his decision. His brother had a hard time dealing with this new knowledge. They both decided to expose Dr. Quack, but their lives were destroyed by this Dr. Mengele-wannabe.

In 2002, his brother committed suicide. The boy eventually got married, but was separated when, in 2004, he killed himself as well.

PARENTS, JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS PHD. BESIDE THEIR NAME DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

This true story shows that the idea that not all ideas deserve the right to be part of our dialogue of human thought and some things need to be ridiculed if it serves to stifle retardation and perversion masquerading as higher education. There are fatal ramifications if it isn't.

I'm Indiana Jones

You scored as Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He's tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it. Indiana Jones 83% William Wallace 79% Batman, the Dark Knight 75% El Zorro 75% Lara Croft 71% James Bond, Agent 007 71% Neo, the "One" 71% The Terminator 67% Captain Jack Sparrow 67% The Amazing Spider-Man 63% Maximus 46% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Getting a Motorcycle

In 1977, my brother, Mark, took me on my first motorcycle ride. At age 12, I was a small frame, especially on his Harley. He let me sit on the tank and gave me control of the throttle and the handlebars.

That was my intro to motorcycle riding.

Since then, I have been hooked. A year later, I bought a Penton, 125 trail bike for $100. I got to ride it about three times, before the kicker stripped out and I had to push start it.

I sold it a year later for $25 after a friend of Mark took the tranny apart and found the gearbox was nothing but shavings. I then owned a minibike that ran like a top until my brother, Dean the Stoner, ran it without oil, and blew the engine.

In 1984, my brother, Mike, gave me his 1984 Honda 400CMT as a graduation present. During the time I owned it, I also owned several cars...all absolute junk...so I had transportation in the winter time. Winter time in Iowa goes from November to March.

I had one car that was decent...a Ford Maverick. I was paying a friend $25 per month, until I could no longer make the payments due to losing my job. Still, my Honda kept running, year after year.

In 1989, I traded the Honda for a '79 Oldsmobile Toronado. It lasted two weeks befor ethe engine caught on fire and got repoed.

My mom let me use her moped.

I found in the local paper a dream bike. A guy had three bikes and his wife said he had to get rid of one before he could buy another. He sold me a 1979 Yamaha 1100, full dress for $700. He let me pay $75 each week, and once it was paid, I rode away with my new bike.

I loved that bike. From 1989 to 1992, it started without fail. It was wonderful.

Until a drunk driver totalled it while it was parked. I wept openly. I tracked down the driver and got paid for the damages.

Instead of getting a new bike, I used the money to move to Annapolis, MD, where I met and married my wife. Even though I desired to get a new bike, she was absolutely scared of the idea.

In 1998, I got a 1994 Mazda Miata, instead of a bike, listening to my wife. Getting the car caused me to lose my job at the Pentagon...long story. Still, it was a reliable car, and only fell apart due to neglect, resulting from making sure my wife's Miata, a twin, was always in peak shape, and not making enough money to maintain two Miatas in top shape.

December 30, 2004, while on a 100 mile drive back from a comedy gig, my Miata's steering column fell in my lap, causing me to crash, totalling the car. It kept me safe, however.

After that, I told my wife, "It does not matter what your opinion is. I am getting a motorcycle. I doubt I will ever buy another car." Knowing my determination, she did not question it.

Financially, we hit some bumps, which has prevented me from getting a bike right away.

That is why I now am working a second job. Since we can get by with our current income, the second income will now go directly to paying for my new motorcycle.

I wanted a Harley, but the word is that the current Harleys are name and image, and not really high quality. So, I am setting my sites on getting a 2005 Kawasaki 1500, full dress. It is one third the cost of a Harley, and I expect I will own it until the frame rusts out from under me; so, loss of sale value is of no matter to me.

Happy Thanksgiving

For several years, my wife and I have invited people from our church, those that have no one else to spend Thanksgiving with, over to our house for Thanksgiving. It has been an incredible blessing to us as much as to them.

We started this because about 10 years ago, my wife and I were alone on Thanksgiving. She made the full meal, expecting at the least, the kids would be over. However, they decided to go to friends' houses...go figure. After that year, we decided, using Jesus' parable of the wedding feast as an example, we opened our home to others.

This year, we decided to open our home to military people who cannot make it home. This was an exercise in futility. I went to the recruiting station in hopes of getting connected to some needful military personnel. After standing in the door of the Army for five minutes, without so much as a hello, I went to the Marines. The sargent spoke with me and suggested I contact the USO.

After contacting the USO, I got transferred 4-5 times with the general response, "That's not my responsibility." My final attempt got me a voice recording. On Monday, I got a message back that basically said, "We don't do that, but we are willing to accept financial donations."

So, if anyone knows of a military person in the DC area who is spending Thanksgiving alone, please comment here and you and I will get in touch.

Last Thursday's Performance

You may or may not know that I do stand up comedy. You can see my web site at www.senseiern.tk

I want to thank the American University Cheer Leading Squad for their enthusiam.

The crowd was great. My start was a little shaky. But I ended strong. I should be getting a video of it and will post it when I do.

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays

Retailers are now using Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. They are hoping that the PC idea will attract more people.

HUH?

I don't recall the big After Thanksgiving Channukah Sales attracting a lot of Jewish people...Except maybe at the Volvo dealer.

I don't see the big rush to buy Kwanzaa presents, except bags of lima beans at Trader Joes.

The PC attitude of retailers is helping me realize that Christmas is about Jesus and that presents are of no importance to me. I must thank them for that. It also means I won't be buying as much this year and may continue to buy less each year as I wean myself from the "gotta get this" attitude.

Perhaps, if I need to get presents, I will wait until December 26 and buy the leftovers and returns at half the price.

I am making this promise. If I can buy an item from two stores, I will use the Christmas Quotient to determine where I will purchase it.

1 point: Christmas trees are displayed as Christmas trees
-1 point: Christmas tree are referred to as Holiday trees

-1 point: For each XMAS reference I come across.

5 points: Christmas music is piped over the Muzak system
15 points: the Christmas music actually has something to do with Jesus
Sub-set of points:
+1 point for each Jesus-centered song
-1 point for each Santa-centered song
0 points for any Christmas song about being home for Christmas or anything from the Nutcracker
0 points for "Little Drummer Boy"
-15 points for each time I hear "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

15 points: The words Merry Christmas are prominently displayed as I walk into the store
-15 points: Each display that says, "Happy Holidays"

45 points: I am met at the door by a greeter who says, "Merry Christmas!"
-50 points: I am met by a greeter or any other store employee who says, "Happy Holidays" and will deduct this for each occurrence

In case Walmart, Target, Kohl's, Macy's or any other retailer is reading this, I PREFER "MERRY CHRISTMAS".

Haikus...Ugh

My friend, Ginamonster worte in her blog about taking up haiku writing. I hate poetry.

Ugh, Haikus. I despise poetry in general.

Ever eat so much of something that you never want to eat it again? That is how poetry is for me.

Back in high school, my regular English teacher was out on maternity leave, then spent several weeks on vacation. The substitute misunderstood her intructions for the class.

The regular teacher wanted 9 days of poetry lessons.

Instead, the sub made us suffer through 9 WEEKS of nothing but poetry. (This is when I began to consider the merits of home schooling.)

We were required to keep a journal and to write poetry in them each day.

The first two weeks were ok, thinking, "This has to end some time." Little did I know.

By week three, we were doing haikus. By week three, I had discussed everything that a 15 year old has ever thought about. I began to make up stuff just to fill the pages.

By week 5, I began writing poetry about how much I hate poetry. I wrote how it makes me want to vomit. I wrote how poetry class is like a prison.

During week 9, we had no idea our regular teacher was about to return. I dedicated the entire week to writing different forms of poetry on how I can kill and torture the teacher for putting us through this ironman poetry competition.

I remember the haiku I wrote:
Knives are not enough
Deserving a painful death
Poetry teacher

I got an "A" for the class because of that poem. The teacher said I had really blossomed. A redneck guy does not "blossom".

Should I ever be captured by terrorists, I can handle anything...I've been through poetry class.

corruption at the very highest levels

Senator John Kerry said that the indictment of Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff was "evidence of White House corruption at the very highest levels."

Not meaning to downplay any wrong doing, but if this is the worst this administration has done...mis-speaking the name of a CIA employee, who was not on assignment under cover, then his head has corrosion at the very highest level. WHERE WAS THIS FREAKING RETARD FROM 1992-2000 WHEN BILL AND HILLARY RAN ROUGHSHOD OVER ANYTHING AND ANY LAW THAT STOOD IN THEIR WAY?

Where was he when FBI files were lost and found int he WHite House of Bill and Hillary? Where was he when Rose Law Firm records were mis-placed and found after enought time had passed to remove any wrong-doing, again, in the White House of Bill and Hillary? Where was he when a majority of the previous administration were arrested on charges relating to the administration, and those that indicated a possibility of turning mysteriously died?

Kerry, shut up and crawl back in your hole.

video of a soldier getting hit

http://www.comegetyousome.com/video/misc/sniper_clip.wmv

I don't recommend snooping around the sight; it is pretty gruesome. But, you gotta see this video.

This is filmed in Bagdad in July.

The soldier gets shot, but his armor protection keeps him from being injured, other than getting knocked down. He gets back up and seeks protection.

The video was taken by the terrorists. Another terrorist in a van 75 yards away shot the soldier with a sniper rifle.

After the shooting, the sniper was captured and treated for injuries by the very troops he shot. We are there to bring order to the country. Once we establish a government, then they can take care of their own terrorists.

One more thing. If these people don't get their act together after the sacrifice our country has made for them, I have no problems turning the entire thing over to Israel and allowing them to take whatever land and using whatever means they feel necessary.

No greater love is shown than for a person to lay down their life for another. The love is even greater when it is for a stranger. And, that is even inflated more when you know the stranger may try to kill you.

Jesus is the Son of God. He came from heaven, suffered the pain of the cross because He loves us. He was our enemy because we were born in sin and He was born sinless. And, yet, He laid down His life for us, so that we could be reconciled to God. If you reject His completely paid for salvation, you have no claim for mercy when you are judged and cast in to hell.

Things I want to do

A friend of mine...never met in person, just spoke to over the net...Slade Ham, posted this and inspired me.

He posted "My Favorite Things": http://www.myspace.com/comedygod and you will find it.

His list started:
-Skydiving, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with having survived a three-mile fall at over 110 mph
-Listening to Collective Soul’s “Tokyo” while circling over Tokyo
-My tree house
-The magic of watching a comedian pull off a flawless show
-Being “that” comedian
.
.
.


Rather than hack, I will take another aspect.

Things I want to do:
- Feel appreciated by my wife for who I am and not for what I can do to make her life easier
- Sky dive
- Get a motorcycle, have a thousand dollars to spend and just ride away until I run out of money
- Teach my dog, Stinky how to stay on the back of a Harley
- Learn Japanese and show up in Tokyo with enough money to stay in a hotel and eat meals for a week...and stay for a year
- Go to Bullitt, Kentucky and participate in the machine gun shoot out, using a .50 cal with unlimited rounds so that I can fire until my body shakes more than Michael J. Fox
- Lead someone to the Lord and see them become the next Billy Sunday
- Be President for a day so that at the State of the Union Address I can say, "First, I want to recognize a few people. Ted Kennedy, I recognize you by the Stoli your bloated body sweats. Hillary CLinton, shut up and get back to Chappi-whatever and give Bill a Lewinsky every day so he will leave the rest of the women alone...It'll have two benefits: One you wil have your mouth filled so we don't have to listen to your ear-shattering squawk, and two, Bill will be too tired to interfere with our doing repairs to the things he screwed up while he was in office. Barney Frank, that aint chocolate on your hands and that is why I won't shake your hand."
- Feature for Slade Ham
- Write a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" comic book and make millions
- Inspire everyone to go after their dreams and ignore the barriers and find a way around them to achieve those dreams no matter the circumstances
- Introduce the world to the blues performances of Dean Sires, the best white blues player in the world
- Build a comedy club that can make money without having to sell liquer
- Go to Ireland and experience a real pub, then take a leak on the Blarney Stone like a good Irishman
- Build a ranch where I have my house, a central meetting and eating hall, and homes for each of my friends
- Take every last knick knack my wife has bought and plastered on our home's walls and use them to have a bonfire for a weenie roast

Rush Limbaugh will retire January 21

He hasn't announced it, yet.

Since I was a kid, I have had dreams that sometimes come true. Sometimes they don't. It is hard to descern which ones are true.

It is also something I do not seek to enhance or use for any benefit.

What I have found is that when I will be goping through traumatic times, I have dreams of the trial before I actually go through it. Rush retiring isn't exactly a trauma, but it will create an empty space from noon to 3pm on weekdays.

I had a dream of basic training six months before I actually had the experience. I experienced everything from induction through processing on through getting on the bus to leave.

I had a dream of my grandmother dieing a month before it happened.

I had a dream of the house we now live in weeks before we were told by our previous landlord we had to move.

My mom had the same trait. She had a dream of JFK's assassination a month before it happened.

SO, anyway, it may not happen, but if it does, you heard it here first. I had a dream last night that Rush would be announcing his retirement would be effective January 21. THe caveat is that I have no idea what year this would be. It could be this coming year, or maybe another year. He still has a couple years left in his ABC 5-year $250million contract, and I don't think he will walk away from that.

Well, we'll see.

Hurricane Coverage is too much

FOr hours last night, Fox News covered the hurricane coming to Florida.
1930 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is coming."
1945 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is still coming."
1950 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is still coming."
1955 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is still coming."
2000 Hours: "We are forgoing the show, 'War Stories' to bring you this update. We're here in Florida. The storm is coming."
2010 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is still coming."
2015 Hours: "We're here in Florida. The storm is still coming."

Ever want to slap your kid brother for doing the "I'm not touching you," routine? That is how I felt about the storm coverage.

Oh, by the way, "We're here in Florida. The storm is coming."

Bush Won't Be Elected Again

Look at these results:
http://pollingreport.com/BushJob.htm

I doubt President Bush will get elected again with these numbers.

But, I sincerely believe the majority of people are dissatisfied simply because they want him and the Republicans in congress to start waging all out geo thermal nuclear war on the Democrats.

As a test, I would like those who read my blog to post a comment and simply state the following:
Political Affilliation: R/D/na
And answer this question: "Would you like to see the Republicans in the White House and Congress go on the warpath?" Yes/No/Undecided

To make it easier for me to assess, please put your post in this format:

Political: R
Queastion: Y

See the Smurfs Blow Up Video

So far, this link has the best I have found:
http://media.putfile.com/end_of_smurfs

All I can say it serves them right for that stupid game they had for the Intellivision in 1983.

As far as helping UNICEF...As long as they are part of the United Nations and its corruption, they are not getting a penny from me.

I Miss Iowa

Over on Freerepublic.com, someone was bragging about Texas and dissed Iowa. I had to respond. I was so moved by my own response that I will share it with you:

HEY! Don't disrespect Iowa.

Iowa has great public schools, for public schools.

Iowa has incredible corn, ham, watermelon and porkchops. The milk is fresh. The eggs are always local.

If you want to work hard, you'll have a job in Iowa.

If you want to relax, there are streams everywhere where fish will bite a bare hook, just to make you happy.

You can take your best dog and go hunting for cornfed pheasant in a farmers dormant field.

The snow in November is beautiful. In December it gaurantees a white Christmas. In January, it tests your manhood. In February, it helps you appreciate the summer that much more. In March, it gives you something to look for...the spring in April.

The mid-July two-week long heatwave gives you an excuse to get off work early and go swimming. It also helps you long for the cooler days of November.

The tornados keep you close to God. The beautiful surroundings let you know He is close by.

A response to GM

I got a lot long winded in a reply post to Ginamonster's latest. In case it doen't make the posting, I am also posting it here:


As you know, I am a Christian and all of my religious instruction comes from the Bible.

It is true that in the Old Testament, witches were to be killed. This is not the case in the New Testament.

The reason for the change was that the Old Testament dealt specifically with the Jews as a nation dedicated to establishing a worldly kingdom that was run by God. The New Testament is to establish a spiritual kingdom that is within Christians collectively.

The way to deal with anyone not a Christian in today's world is not by oppression (which of course took place, not because of Christianity, but rather a false religion that had the form of godliness that was run by unbiblical traditions rather than the actual teachings of God's Word). But, rather, the proper way to deal with witches or any other religion is to present the facts and through logical discussion allow the individual to either accept or deny the presentation of Christianity.

I am sorry that so many misguided, over zealous people who claim the name Christian are oppressive. I am sorry, but I cannot apologize as I am not the guilty party, just as I can be sorry that my brother is a drug dealer and I cannot apologize for him. He has to do that.

Man, I hope that wasn't too much.

Now, back to the topic...Since I do accept the Bible as my guide for all things spiritual, I look to its instruction of possession by spirits.

The Bible shows that objects can have special attributes...Moses' staff turned to a snake, Aaron's rod bllomed flowers...nowhere that I have found is an inanimate object ever possessed by anyone nor any spiritual being.

It does tell how people have been possessed by demons and how animals have been possesed by demons. The Bible also tells how that when people die, their spirit and soul are before God and are judged. Thus, once the body dies, the soul does not linger, but rather faces the judgement of God.

Your jewelry, and any found on eBay are just jewelry.

The Apostle Paul taught that as Christians, we are free to use whatever we need in this world to live life, with one exception. The Bible teaches that if somoene tells us that something is dedicated to the ungodly (by that, I mean purposely used to defy God), Christians are to avoid those things.

The example Paul used was eating food. Paul taught that it is ok to eat food given to us by unbelievers. However, if the giver told us that it was food dedicated to another god, we are to politely refuse it. This was not because it was necessarily evil, but that it might influence a less strong Christian that other ungodly practices are ok.

hdelj

Gina officially gets the title, "hdelj". This is an honor bestowed upon those who practice reciprosity in linking back to another blog that linked to them.

Thanks, Gina "hdelj" Monster

A Change in the Blog

OK, I have used this blog to rant, rave, and ridicule.

One thing has been missing. Strating today, my blogs will take a turn to focus on my testimony as a Christian. As often as I feel necessary, I will post entries talking about either theology, or my experience as a Christian. Rather than asking What Would Jesus Do, I will tell either What Jesus Did, or What Ern Did Because Of Jesus.


OK, to start:
Jesus died on the Cross to pay for our sins that we imperfect sinners can approach a perfect, sin-less God.

In order to be reconciled to GOd, you must accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and Lord. He will remove your sin and make you a new creation. Better than turning over a new leaf, He gives you a new life.

Isn't half a Mill enough?

Based on figured reported on the news, the federal and private donations to the New Orleans area is the equivalent of $500,000 per person.

Isn't that enough?

You May Be Paying for the Support of a Homicide Bomber

In the residue of the destroyed London bus that was destroyed last week, the investigators found a credit card belonging to the suspected homicide bomber.

I doubt the card was all paid up before he decided to blow himself up. Visa/MC/AmEx/Disc or whatever card it was, is going to increase their rates to cover the balance.

It's not our fault. I just wanted us to think about it.

The Result of Michael Moore

This will be simple. I hope it is simple enough for you liberals to understand.

The dangerous outcome from propogandists like Michael Moore, and every conspiracy theorist that makes you question President Bush at every turn, is that should there ever be a real conspiracy, the general public will be so numbed by false accusations that they will count the real as more hogwash.

Dennis Miller cancelled on CNBC

As of Friday, CNBC is one more cable channel I can take off my favorites list, and put it on my never going to watch again list.

My best hopes are for Dennis. Maybe Fox will do us all a favor and replace that self-absorbed blowhard O'Rieley with Dennis.

People who were Dennis Miller fans left him when they found him supporting President Bush's re-election. I have been a fan of Dennis ever since HBO had his weekly call in show. I took his jabs at conservatives with a grain of salt and a huge helping of laughter. It's too bad some of his thin-skinned fans couldn't do the same.

Things are Happening

I can't tell you what they are, yet, but cool things are happening. Stay Tuned...

I am Not a Loser

and this score says so:

This score shows that I have a couple loser tendancies, but that is only because I don't drink alcohol. Otherwise, Dude, I TOTALY ROCK!

Yeah, that's why I need a test to prove it, and have a blog to tell everyone. Stupid test.

The Problem with Winning

I love winning. I love knowing I am on the winning side. I get so psyched during the contest.

It is so fun to make fun of the opposition. I was enjoying the Kerry morphs, the Edwards mocking, and befuddling the average liberal activist with logic and sarcasm.

OK, so now my side won. Not only did we win, but we won so strongly that the opposition has decided not to play. No one is ready to take the mantle of chief liberal Democrat. The battle is over.

It is causing me to suffer mental blocks. My creativity is suffering because I don't have an obvious target.

Think for a moment. Once we win the war on Terrorism, our soldiers will suffer the same thing, but, on a greater scale. We have men who's sole mission is to find an enemy and kill them. Once they return to the U. S., they are going to need to focus their efforts on more mundane pursuits. Let's be prepared to help them adjust.



On a totally different note, I need to say this: The weather problems in Sri Lanka and the area.

As a country, our citizens are helping in whatever way we can. I am hesitant to give financially to any group after the mis-handlings of the WTC donations...especially of the Red Cross. Still, we are raising over $40million!

Now, the UN has the nerve to call us STINGY! "You know what, UN? I just found something else you can have...a boatload of KISS MY BUTT!"

Taxation Without Representation

Washington, DC government annoys me.

The rest of the country provides taxes to take care of the nation's capital. DC is so rife with liberalism that it is politically incorrect to question the motives of the DC leaders.

DC does not have a representative in the U. S. Congress, and as Martha Stewart says, "That's a good thing."

I cannot believe that everyone in DC is stupid. I believe they are deceived. I believe they are mis-informed about who is destroying the DC government, and they are mad, and they continue to elect the destructive people because they think they are "sticking it to the man". Why else would a coke addict like Barry get re-elected, and now, why isn't he laughed out of the media circle when he announced he is going to run for DC office?

Now, either the DC leadership is either evil, or they are stupid. Today, baseball in DC was destroyed because of these morons. Personally, I don't want baseball...it interferes with my TV shows! It is too laborious for me to be interested in it. However, it is a good thing for a city. Baseball is offering to come here...practically signed everything, then the DC council decides they want to wring a few more dollars from MLB.

Additional stupidity is in how they have taxed working families into oblivion...not with taxes, but with fees and restrictions to everything a person with spending money would want to do. The only people left in DC are homeless and welfare people...but welfare people vote, and are more numerous, so, in order to hide their inability to govern, those in power take from the average income earner to give to the non-income earner.

Then, to keep the smart people quiet, they are given special favors. Then, to hide this favoritism, corrupt influences get their portion. This is driving every for-profit business out of the district. Except restaurants, which are so profitable that they can pay the "protection fees" extorted by the DC government.

Now, they DC whiners are crying, "Taxation without representation!" I say, call their bluff.

Every resident of DC is not taxed federal taxes. They don't have a voice in congress, so let them not pay taxes. (The dirty secret is that they have the ear of every congressman...even more than the constituents of the congressman's state. This is because as humans, these congressmen want to be accepted by those around them. Also, making a local government official happy means your congressman can get his license to build a pool at his DC home for free.)

No taxes would invite investment into the local economy. More investment means more jobs, which leads to better pay for local residents. To avoid taxes, some of the U. S.'s richest people will set up residence here. That would lead to more conservatives living in the District, which would lead to better leadership elected to the DC government.

Let's do it...and the sooner, the better.

I Almost Died Laughing

My wife and I decided to delay celebrating our tenth anniversary until November 21. We wanted to see three Last Comic Standing comics perform at the Caesar's Paradise Stream.

Last week, we arrived, at another Caesar resort because Paradise Stream was full. We were to ride a bus from our resort to the other.

I should have taken the fact my wife was not feeling well as an omen. But, as a moderator on John Heffron's web site, www.johnheffron.com, I felt obligated to go to the show, without her. Plus, I have been dieing to see these guys in person.

First, our bus went down a road to narrow to back up on, and he took a corner too sharp for a Greyhound-type charter bus to make. He nearly backed over a cliff in the process of trying to un-stick his stuckness. In THAT process, he nearly took out my wife' Miata! He was just inches away from it when we convinced him to stop and let us out.

I got on the second bus, and made sure the driver was aware he could not go the same way.

The first bus did not hit the car.

The show was ok, but not as good as I would have hoped. This was perhaps because I wanted my wife to be with me. I took feverish notes of the performances for my Heffron web report.

I got on the bus for the return to my original resort. It was driver number one...Mr. Rent-a-Wreck himself. Forty of us trusted our lives to a guy only hours ago threatened to back over a cliff. We are stupid people.

The ride back was uneventful, until...

Until he took a wrong turn.

A wrong turn up a mountain road. Fifteen minutes later, he realizes that he missed a turn and decided to turn around.

Well, he got the bus stuck..again.

And, he nearly drove off a cliff...again!

Not only that, but as he tried to free the bus, he only succeeded in driving to within inches of going over a hundred foot drop!

Ever see Wile E. Coyote go over a cliff and not realize it until he is well beyond the point of no return? I could swear I saw "Acme" printed on the side of the bus.

We all got out of the bus. For some reason, I kept having South Park episode flashbacks to the one where the bus gets stuck, the bus driver leaves and becomes famous as a stand up comedian, while the kids are scared to get out of the bus, and when one does venture out, he is eaten by a monster lurking in the shadows.

Did I mention this was a mountain road? Oh, yeah. I did.

Did I mention we were miles away from any civilization?

Did I mention that the only light was the few moments that the moon peeked out behind an over cast sky?

Did I mention it was the first day of BEAR HUNTING SEASON?

All forty of us made it back alive. Some of us got sick...including myself.

Happy Anniversary, Honey! Cough! Cough!

We WON!

I will not gloat. I am happy that George W. Bush won the election, though. There was a lot of concern about manipulation of votes, and such. I am so glad the election is over.

I won't gloat. As much as I want to. Let's wait and see what GWB does in the next four years to make this world and more importantly, our nation, a better place to live.

I expect him to keep fighting terrorism. I expect Social Security reform. I also expect more permanent tax cuts. I also expect conservative nominations to the courts.

We also won a lot of congressional seats. Now that they have a larger majority, let's see some good conservative actions come out of there.

Sometimes, You Just Need To Get Back Up

Last night's open mic was rough. I had good material. Things just didn't go right. At the end, the MC asked if this was my first open mic...OUCH! I was floored. I questioned my desire to do stand up.

A comedian I only know as MKNOPE gave a good illustration. He likened it to a martial arts contest.

My first face off in Tung Soo Do was excellent, but because I made a couple mis-judgements, I did not win the competition. However, because I accepted it, I won "The Spirit of Tung Soo Do" Award. That was 15 years ago. My opponent has probably forgotten his tournament award. It may still be collecting dust. Mine is still important to me, because it is a motivation within me.

That motivation is driving me to keep on stand-ing up. See you at the next show!

How Far is Too Far in Comedy

Comedian, Billy Connolly, website, is being chided for making a remark about a British civillian who was at the time being held by terrorists in Iraq. His remark was, according to reports, “Don’t you wish they would just get on with it?” The next day, Ken Bigley was dead.

I haven't heard the rest of the dialogue so I won't make any judgements on his comment, yet. Instead I want to take a moment to talk about limits in comedy.

I am completely a free-speech person. You have the right to say anything. I have the right to not listen. I should never be forced to hear your diatribe if I don't want to. That is why you cannot play your stereo so loud it shakes my fillings loose. You also don't yell, "FIRE!" in a crowded theater.

If you, as a listener don't want to hear this type of dialogue, you as a paying customer vote by not paying to hear this kind of performance. It happened when Linda Ronstadt promoted Michael Moore...people walked out and asked for their money back. I have done the same after seeing a couple movies that offended me greatly. Remember, though, that the theater reserves the right to refuse to refund your money, in which case, you have the right to go to another theater. Once people start using their freedom of speech to ask for their money back, entertainers will have two choices. 1. Curb the speech, or, 2. get on a soapbox and say it for free.

As a performer, you need to be your own guide. The basic attitude of, "If you don't like what I am saying, SCREW YOU!" isn't very smart. You may get away with it in the short term, but you may soon find yourself wondering why the show was not sold out. Then, wondering why you are playing county fairs. Then, wondering why your agent isn't returning your calls.

Before opening your mouth, you must think through what your priorities are. Is making a point more important than making money? Will what I say cause people to feel similar to me, or alienate me?

Here are some of the topics I have questioned whether to perform:
Fundamental Christianity
Homosexuality
Conservatism
Liberalism
and more...

I have pushed a little. I have put in pro-Bush remarks in my set. I have made jabs at Kerry.

Each joke I write for my stand up set, I ask, "Will it work?"

An Evening at Pop's

This weekend, my wife and I took a sorely needed vacation to Ocean City, MD. Most places in Ocean City cost $125 or more. We found a really nice hotel for $75 per night. It doesn't have a microwave, or an in-room hair dryer, but it has a bed, and the doors lock. Not many younger people stay there because of the lack of the extras, so it is always nice and quiet. The coolest part is that it is on the boardwalk and you can wake up to the sun rising over the ocean.

We needed the time away. I studied my comedy material, and my wife just relaxed on the balcony. The breeze was nice and the temperature was cool. It was so relaxing. We slept more over the past four days than we have over hte past two weeks.

Unfortunately for me, the residue from Florida's hurricanes made the waves choppy. The waves were solid, rising 4-6 feet, but they were unpredictable and too frequent to ride. A couple times, people gathered as some foolhardy surfer needed to be pulled out of the incessant turmoil.

Saturday, we walked the boardwalk. A few blocks down, I found a neat little shop, "Pop's Joke Shop". My wife and I went in. It was definately a tight squeeze. It was more crowded than my old bachelor apartment. Wall-to-wall gag toys. I wanted one of every thing, but I settled for a shocking stapler. It shocks the user as they press the tongs together to staple a paper. It holds quite a jolt. I also got a pen that looks like a hypodermic needle. I have always thought they were cool.

Pop's is a street comedian. His material is similar to Jay London's. The one-liner comic. He differs from Jay London in that instead of the "Please Like Me" attitude, Pop has a "Old Fart" attitude. He performs outside his shop after closing for the day. He works for tips. He offered to let me perform my routine and would split the tips.

Unfortunately, it rained. The customers stayed in their rooms and Pop closed early. I look forward to next year. I hope next summer, I can perform with him. Just the experience will be worth it.

Patriotism

Patriotism is not just getting in goose step with the politicians. Patriotism is loving your country so much that you do what you can to see it succeed morally.

A patriot will put his life on the line for his country, should it be asked of him.
A patriot will set aside his own dreams, should his country ask him to do so.
A patriot will speak out about injustices done by corruption of government.
A patriot, when finding a need, will say, "Here am I, send me."
A patriot will do all he can when the country is doing right, to keep it doing right; and, when it is doing wrong, he will do all he can to make it right.
A patriot will despise the burning of the Flag while defending the right of the moron doing so. (But, if you are burning it around me, make sure you are wrapped in it first.)

Time For A Change

"If you keep doing what you have been doing, you'll keep getting what you have been getting."

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results.

If you are not happy with the results of your actions, perhaps you should change your actions. Watching the protestors outside the RNC in NYC this week made me think. Have these people made any progress in making their point?

I don't think so. I would not expect it. Perhaps it is time to change. Instead of ineffective protests, they should evaluate what actions have proven effective in changing people's minds.

Perhaps they should take a page from the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth?

Or, a page from the Right To Life groups?

Getting arrested isn't doing anything for your cause. Unless...unless what you want is to get arrested because you can wear it like a badge of honor among your small circle of "friends". "Oh, yeah? I got this scar after being dragged thru the streets of Seattle." "Well, I got this third degree burn after torching a dragon in New York City." "OOOHHH! AAAHH!"

Just Try It

Have you got a desire to do something? Have you wanted to play the guitar? Or, do a standup comedy routine? Or, become an athelete?

A shoe company said, "Just Do It."

Atleast try it. Often, you will find your desire at the start is not as great as the commitment required to achieve what you want. Other times, you will find your original expectations were not founded in reality. When that happens, you will have a new respect for those that do it.

Then, once in a while, some desire becomes a reality. You start out small, then as you become skilled, you achieve greatness. No one who fails to try ever achieves greatness.

Your original motivations tend to change to other motivations as you mature in a skill. At first, you wanted to write stories to tell your children. Then, inspiration hits and you write several number one children's titles and everyone looks forward to your next story about Harry Potter.

Dr. Laura says, "If it isn't illegal, immoral, or fattening," go ahead, and try it.

I Do Not Need To Eat It To Know It Is A Turd

My friend and I were wallking down the street the other day. In one yard, we spotted a brown mass.

It was steaming. In fact, it was the steam that got our attention.

At first, we thought perhaps the grass was on fire.

We decided to check it out. Yep, it was a steaming brown mass.

It smelled awful.

We decided to walk away before the yard's owner thought we did it.

"So, you going to see that new Michael Moore movie, "F-9/11"? my friend asked.

The Sensei-ble Diet

I don't really call it a diet. I won't ever diet. Instead, I really think of it as a way to change my eating habits.

Some of my friends are on the Atkin's diet. One gave me the South Beach Diet book, which I gave back a day later. I don't have time to plan these things out. Plus, I tend to do things different from the way someone tells me to, just to be rebellious.

Food has been a pleasure in my life. I don't really eat because I am hungry. Until two months ago, I ate because I enjoyed the taste of food...how it sat in my mouth and brought uninteruptable pleasure to my taste buds. I love the taste of a well-prepared prime rib that melts in the mouth like butter. I love the spices and cheesy goodness of good lasagna.

That was until I saw myself in the mirror with a developing double-chin. Then, even my most loose fitting suits were getting tight. My jeans were ready to burst. My waist was at an all-time girth of 50 inches.

I decided to experiment. It has been a success. The experiment was this: When making dinner, put as much food as I want on the plate. Then, grab a second plate. Put half of the food from the first plate on the second. Cover the second plate with foil and place it in the fridge for the next day.

There have been times I decided to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I did not consider this failure, but just letting myself do whatever I want. Because I did not see it as failure, I did not give up. Instead, I just did the two-plate practice next meal.

The next thing I did was that I make sure I eat breakfast every morning. It usually is a bowl of cereal, but could be fruit. Also, each morning, I take 500mg of vitamin C, 100mg of vitamin E, and I take Glucosamine Chondroitin for my arthritis.

I went from drinking 3-4 Cokes per day to 1 Coke in the morning. The rest of the day, I drink juice, milk, or water. LOTS of water. When I get a craving for caffeine, I drink water. Eating has now become an inconvenience...interrupting my enjoyments of life.

The benefits of the two-plate practice are:1. I only cook half as much as I used to...I don't need to cook every night...2. I spend half as much on groceries, 3. It is successfully droping inches and pounds from my body, 4. I don't have to read somebody's book to know how to do it.

In the last two months, I have lost over 25 pounds, and I am down to a 44 inch waist.

My goal is to get a 38 inch waist, weigh 185 pounds, then I will begin a weight training regimen to build muscle and get to 250...looking like Mr Olympia.

 

IF someone reads this and publishes it as a diet, I want 50% of the sales...not profits...sales income. If someone reads this and does it, tell me about your successes. I would love to hear about them.

A Problem with Racism

A problem with racism is that if it ever became completely unacceptable to judge someone on race, the judgemental person would find something else would find something else to exclude someone.

We can't include that person because:
He's a guy.
He's too old.
She's from New York.
She would be the only one with brown hair.
He went to West High School.
He's a Fundamental Baptist.
She's too fat.

Get the idea?

I have a good friend who married a lady from China. She has said that not only do many Asians look at other Asian cultures as inferior and judge based on it, in China, they judge based on what province and city you are from!

I submit this to you, we should not judge based on physical traits, but rather on past action and current attitude. You can judge character by what a person has done in the past. It is still possible to change, but if in the past, you were convicted of robbery and you still feel you did nothing wrong, you can fairly be judged, and people will not trust you.

Unfortunately, judgement based on categorizing a physical trait comes from identifying a common character trait of that physical trait. An example: You would judge that an overweight man would not want to exercise with you, but, Chris Farley was overweight, and he was a very physically active man. So judging him by his weight is unfair, but judging him on his party lifestyle was completely fair.

My experience of being a victim of racism:
I grew up ion Iowa. Although it is characterized as a hotbed of racism, that has not been the case since the late 60's. Of course, there are isolated examples everywhere. I had not exeperienced racism, as perp nor victim, despite having grown up in a predominantly black area. I did not suffer judgement based on color, but I received plenty based on my family's financial situation.

Anyway, I moved to Washington, DC in 1992. My wife and I went downtown to see the sights. While on the Metro train, I put my arm around her. The seats being back to back, I accidentally bumped the man behind us. The man said, "Hey! Watch it WHITE BOY!" I was stunned. This was my first exposure to anyone judging based on color.

It's incredible. In Waterloo, Iowa, people are judged based on character. In the hotbed of liberal thought, racism permeates EVERYTHING!

While I am on that, I hate the fact that Washington, DC is making so many laws to correct injustices that are prevalent here, and apply them to the entire nation! Unfortunately, many actions taken to justify wrongs here only make it a greater problem in areas where there was no problem. Here, maybe quotas are needed because of the racial attitudes. But, In Waterloo, Iowa, the quotas cause resentment because someone was singled out for a job based on a racial advantage.

When I can't think of anything to say...

I will let others say it. I will post quotes that make sense to me, and express how I feel. If I mis-attribute some, I apologize. It's the message, not the speaker that matters to me.

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that such men lived."
-- General George S. Patton Jr.

Git-R-Done Sunday

This weekend was great. I spent Friday at the comedy club.

Ever hear the saying that some people are so good at something that they make it look easy?

While I believe that is true, there is a saying I am working on...Some people are so BAD,and getting paid, I think I can do better.

That is how I feel about stand up comedy. Some are good, and I watch them to see how they do their craft. I learn from their mannerisms, their style, their timing. Others, I watch, and think to myself, "This is HORRIBLE! I could do better than this guy."

So, I am embarking into the realm of Stand Up. I have done some for church. Now, I will find out whether people laughed out of sympathy or because I actually made them laugh. There is so much to frown about in this world, I want to make people relieve themselves from the tension and laugh for a moment.

Well, Saturday, I spent the day with my wife. We got our eyes examined (it is SO romantic...NOT) then we had lunch at TGIFridays...I worked for TGIF a few years ago. I made pretty good money, but I had to work the worst days and nights to make good money...We spent the evening watching "Big Fish". It's not a bad movie, what I expected from Tim Burton.

Sunday morning, we went to church. Friday, I had won a megaphone at the comedy club; and, today I decided to give it to the child who could memorize the most scriptures in a month's time. It changes your voice to a robot, an alien, or just distorts it.

We have an evening service, too. After that we went home. I caught the last 30 minutes of Ron White's special on Comedy Central. I watched most of Larry the Cable Guy's special, but fell asleep from exhaustion. I also woke back up to catch the last 30 minutes of it.

That show made my weekend complete. Larry is becoming my favorite comedian, plus, he likes G. W. Bush. Git-R-Done!

Soldier Tells Iraq Story You Won't Hear in Our Media

The following is a dialogue from a radio call in show and a soldier who recently returned from Iraq. I replaced the interviewer's name with the word, "INTERVIEWER", to keep people from forming opinions before reading the interview. The soldier's name is replaced with the word, "CALLER", to protect his identification. SHould the source of this transcript require, I will post the source information.


May 20, 2004

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

INTERVIEWER: CALLER in LOCATION DELETED TO PROTECT CALLER. This is our returning soldier from Iraq. Welcome, sir. Nice to have you on the program.

CALLER: I appreciate it INTERVIEWER. Real honor to talk to you.

INTERVIEWER: All right, give us some details about where you were, how long you were there. I know you want to keep some anonymity here which I totally understand. I don't want you to violate that, but give us some background so that we can have a context for the details of the story you want to relay on this Iraqi wedding business.

CALLER: Well, INTERVIEWER, I spent XXX days in downtown Baghdad.

INTERVIEWER: That's just about a week short of a year. Okay.

CALLER: Well, first of all I was very angry when I was listening to that caller earlier because he had no idea what he's talking about. One of the most basic --

INTERVIEWER: Which caller was that?

CALLER: The guy that was... Gosh, what was he saying? He was saying --

INTERVIEWER: The Toyota dealer who used to know me from Kansas City?

CALLER: Yeah, I believe so.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, this guy was complaining that I was being too flippant about these wedding parties?

CALLER: Right.


INTERVIEWER: Okay.

CALLER: The fact of the matter is, when we first came into Baghdad, INTERVIEWER, we had two very simple rules: Don't stay out past curfew and don't shoot at us.

INTERVIEWER: What is curfew?

CALLER: Curfew used to be 11 o'clock. For some reason they lifted that. I have no idea why.

INTERVIEWER: Those are the rules for Iraqis?

CALLER: That was the rules for all Iraqi citizens – and not shoot at us, and every time they'd have a wedding... Every Thursday is wedding night in Iraq for some reason. Now, they will have them on other days but every Thursday we would have to react to all kinds of gunfire and when we would get out on the street, in their celebration. They'd just take shots at us, too. One particular small firefight we got into was with a funeral procession. They love to have their weapons at their celebrations.

INTERVIEWER: A funeral procession, and they fire on you even at that. Now, what kind of weapons are we talking about?

CALLER: Well, just about every Iraqi citizen has an AK-47.

INTERVIEWER: Waaait a second. We haven't heard that. Just about every Iraqi citizen has an AK-47?

CALLER: Roger. We allow them to keep an AK-47 per household, and/or a pistol...In Iraq the Second Amendment triumphs. (Laughing.)... But, one of the hairiest night we spent in Baghdad was not the night Uday and Qusai was reported killed. It was one of the nights that the Iraqi National Soccer Team actually won a game, and I don't remember who they were playing. We come under heavy fire that night also, by heavy weapons, probably .51 caliber, PKAs --

INTERVIEWER: Let me ask, I have been told some things. I'll bet you that the posture that you are required to assume has changed from the days you got there till now. I bet you could fire on them at some point and I'll bet you now you're more handcuffed, can't fire back as often as you could?

CALLER: Well, when you talk to certain people that are in charge over there they're saying that they've not changed the rules of engagement at all, but I can tell you it's trickled down to the soldiers and a lot of it is due to media coverage. There's a reporter on every corner in Baghdad. You dang near have to be shot before you feel comfortable enough to shoot back, and it's a very serious, a very scary situation.

INTERVIEWER: Wait, wait, wait. Shot or shot at?

CALLER: A little bit of both. We would take mortar rounds and not do a damn thing about it, and that's scary when you're leading, man.

INTERVIEWER: You take mortar rounds and not do anything about it? Has that been from the beginning?

CALLER: No. At the beginning, we were taking care of business. I mean, we were allowed to do our job. And a lot of it is -- we still have a lot of embeds, and those kinds of people that had gone through the war, and they knew the deal -- and then we started getting people from all over the place coming in and pretty much dictating (laughing) what we would do on the street by just being there. Making simple arrests, there would be a camera stuck in your face, and you'd have to be very careful, and I'll tell you right now the Iraqi people are not real nice people. Now, I would say the majority them want us there, but there are some out there that just absolutely don't like us and they will cause problems -- and the thing of it is, they know they got media in their back pocket.

INTERVIEWER: Mmm-hm.


CALLER: INTERVIEWER, if you would just allow me two seconds to tell you a little bit about a person I put in Abu Ghraib. I put in over 200 people in Abu Ghraib.

INTERVIEWER: Sure, go ahead.

CALLER: One day...

INTERVIEWER: What kind of people were they?

CALLER: Well, I'll just tell you an example of what kind of person this guy was. I had a young male come up to me. We were doing a dinar (the Iraqi currency) exchange downtown. He said, "I need help. I need help. My mother's been stabbed," and we went ahead. We'd been getting ambushed by going and helping Iraqi people so we were a little bit skeptical of going and helping this guy, but after about an hour of him pleading with us, we decided to be very cautious and go to his house. When we got to his house, there was a small girl, probably about the age of six or seven. There was another girl about ten, and another girl that was 13, and then the mother. All three of them had been stabbed and raped, and they showed us up to the room where this guy was drunk and passed out, and of course we went in there and we grabbed him, and we come back downstairs and found out what the story was, what this guy had been doing. And I want to tell you, it takes everything you can do to keep your composure to not want to cut his head off for something like that. It was beyond belief, and we sent him out to Abu Ghraib, and to tell you the truth -- and I could get in trouble for this, I guess -- I'm hoping he's one of those guys that was in one of those human pyramids, because he... You cannot imagine what he had done to those kids. I saw it with my own eyes and so did my whole platoon, and it was beyond belief, and those are the people that we're dealing with over there, and it's not the majority. It literally is a few bad apples over there.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, now, I've got a break coming up. Can you hold on through the break for just a couple? Okay, because just a quick observation here. One thing that you said that has confirmed a suspicion, and that is that the Arab immediate propaganda, al-Jazeera, is having an impact on the way you are ordered to do your job, and it's changed, and you are much less aggressive and much more defensive even when people are firing on you -- from wedding parties, funeral processions or whatever -- and also the kind of people that are in the Abu Ghraib, that you have personally described here. That's one person, you said you put 200 in. Just a couple more things. This is fascinating. We'll be back and continue in a minute.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

INTERVIEWER: And we are back, and we're talking with CALLER in LOCATION DELETED TO PROTECT CALLER, who is back from a nearly year-long tour in Iraq. So you've been fired on by Iraqi wedding parties and rules of engagement changed, became more defensive during the period of time you were there. When you get back now -- and I don't know -- there's got to be a little bit different. How long have you been back?

CALLER: I've been back just a little over a month now.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, so you've had a chance to compare the media you're seeing here versus the American media, bits and doses or whatever that you got over there. What's your impression of news reporting about what's happening in Iraq from your stateside vantage point?

CALLER: I told a lot of people at my hometown church the same thing. I have been more scared of Iraq watching it from the news over here than I ever was over there -- and I was in quite a few little skirmishes, lots of firefights, about 75 hostile raids and I have never been so scared in my life watching it over here on this news. It's not near as bad as people think it is.

INTERVIEWER: What's your reaction when you see the commanding officers from over there being dragged over here to testify before these congressional committees?

CALLER: I think it's an absolute shame. I'm one of those military geeks. I've been a military man since I was a little boy, and I really don't play politics very well. I just don't care about it. (chuckles) I kill things and break things, I guess. I can't imagine being able to... What am I trying to say here? In World War II, being able to just go over and do our job and be done with it. I can't imagine what is going on in our political system today. It's going to make us lose this war.

INTERVIEWER: You know, I thought the same thing last night again and again and again. I think it frequently. But last night, I was watching something on the news, and people were bellyaching and moaning about the turnover date of June 30th and, "Are they going to be able to run their own affairs by June 30th?" and I guess it was (General) Abizaid. Abizaid was being asked when the Iraqi police and others would be able to run their own security. He said, "Well, we thought maybe by September, but it's going to be April now, because a dam broke. We had a bad week recently." He was talking about all this garbage with the prison, and I got thinking about Germany. We occupied Germany for seven years straightening it out, and we are still there with the military presence. Japan was the same way and yet here we've got people in this country declaring failure already and we haven't even turned it over to them yet. And because of that there's just such a loss of historical perspective. But you're right. It's not really a loss of historical perspective. It's the introduction of politics into this, and there are actually factions in this country that want us to lose.

CALLER: Yes, I agree. I used to sit down that with my interpreter quite often in talking about Japan. Japan was a much more fanatical, much more fanatical enemy. I mean, it was sold to almost every man, woman and child to them. I can tell you in the Arab nations, for the most part, the Arab fighter is a coward, a straight-up coward. When we can put more pressure on him than he can put on us, he'll quit.

INTERVIEWER: By "coward" you mean they hide behind women and children and in civilian homes and this kind of thing?

CALLER: Not only that. When you get into a firefight with them instead of them standing -- of course, I understand, they can't put up with what we can give them, but they just won't fight. They have to fight on an ambush, bushwhack kind of way to fight us or they just simply can't fight us.

INTERVIEWER: Well, but isn't that a new kind of warfare, though? Isn't that something we have to deal with? I mean, it's one thing to call them cowards, but there's got to be a system. There's got to be a strategy to get rid of people who do things that way.

CALLER: Yeah, I think there is. Unfortunately, you'd have to turn off the TV camera to get it done.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. I know.

CALLER: I honestly --

INTERVIEWER: I'll tell you something else. If you take the cameras out of these hearings you'd get a lot more done in those things in a lot less time.


CALLER: Yes, I agree, and I can tell you, about these kids that are being prosecuted for what they do in Abu Ghraib. Yes, that went beyond what they should have done. That goes without saying, that they need to be punished in some kind of way, but I can tell you, that court-martial didn't go very long because the pressure that's on right now. Those kids were hung. All of them are hung, and they are guilty until they are found guilty. I don't excuse what they did. As a matter of fact, I know it hurts us. It hurts us badly over there, but my heart goes out to those kids because I'm going to tell you, they are not dealing with the choir over there, and some of the things that these people do, it takes every amount of energy you have to keep from wanting to really, really hurt those people, and I sympathize with them totally. Now, the fraternal pranks and things they were doing, that goes unexcused.

INTERVIEWER: Well, I think in this case they may have been sent to the wrong prison and the wrong kinds of people. Sounds like they were contracted MPs rather than highly trained. I mean, that's just a guess, but that's the way it's shaping up. But clearly there's going to be a lot of fall people here and they're not going to stop till they get somebody out of the defense department, too.

CALLER: And I agree with that, and that is what's unfortunate about the whole mess. I am in charge of several soldiers, and --

INTERVIEWER: Are you going to be going back?

CALLER: Yes. It looks like we'll probably be going back soon. I really can't really tell you when, but it will be sooner than what we was hoping for.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. Well, it sounds like it's been your life. So, I just want to tell you that when people -- I know I can speak for the people of this audience -- that when they listen to you describe this, they are heartened, and their instincts are confirmed because you are telling a side to the story that really isn't told here. And you have it from both perspectives to share -- here and there. I'm probably going to get more e-mail on you and your call today than I've had on anything in a long while. I just want you to know how much I and the people in this audience appreciate everything that you are volunteering to do. You know, I don't know what the general state of mind of the GI is in Iraq today given all of these propaganda assaults from al-Jazeera and even here in the United States, but you have to know that the vast majority of people here are almost in awe and appreciation for what you're doing, and they are -- we're all -- just so hopeful and prayerful that you're able to succeed and do what you've been trained to do and are turned loose to do it.

CALLER: You know, when we got back to the United States it was evident right off of the bat. As soon as we got off the aircraft we noticed that. But the thing that really blows me away is the people that say, "God, we really, really support the troops, but, man, I don't support what we're doing over there." Well, I would just like to say, "If you're supporting the troops, you're supporting what's going on over there and the soldiers over there." There has been some things with the Michael Jackson and the other things that's been going on in the United States, and we thought we were forgotten. But it didn't take me two seconds getting off that airplane to know that America is behind us, and I appreciate that. Because it is, it gets pretty lonely over there.

INTERVIEWER: I can't even imagine it. I mean, I have said basic questions like, "How often do you get to take a shower? Where do you live? What do you do? Are you working 24/7? " You've got to constantly be on your guard. I mean, I can't -- it's something that most of us cannot -- even understand, much less relate to.


CALLER: You know, I didn't get a day off the whole time I was there, but it's mainly because of my position. We did try our best to let our soldiers have a half a day off a week, if we could. For about the first eight months I was over there I took a shower out of a broken pipe out of the ground. We did, however, live in a pretty nice place. I don't want to tell you where it's at because then people would be able to pinpoint where I was. But, yeah, it was pretty rough on us there for a while, and one of the things that people don't understand is, you know, with the IED (improvised explosive device) threats and everything else sometimes supplies didn't go through.

INTERVIEWER: What's an IED threat?

CALLER: The IED threat along the main supply routes, the roadside bombs --

INTERVIEWER: Oh, okay, yeah.

CALLER: Yeah, they were put out. I was hit by two of them while I was there, and I can tell you it's not a lot of fun and it makes you not want to go down those roads anymore. There were times we would get, you know, two bottles of water a day. But, you know, nobody complained about that. Everybody --

INTERVIEWER: Well, that's what always has amazed me, CALLER, because you all volunteered for it, and there isn't any whining. Whining is going on back here.

CALLER: You know, and that's what I was telling my wife on the way to town today. I'm really worried about this nation. I'm worried about it, and I see it from the perspective now, after being at war for this nation. I come back and I'm scared to death at just how stupid people are. Just forgive me if that's a bad thing to say on the radio but I just cannot believe how stupid people are, and it's scary to me. It really is.

INTERVIEWER: You mean stupid in the sense they don't understand what's actually going on?

CALLER: They don't understand what's actually going on, and there's people out there misleading them, running them down the wrong road. And they are so quick. The one thing that really chaps me more than anything else is that, "We're over there for oil," and it chaps me to no end because, if you were there, you would see that oil really -- at least at the tactical level -- now, strategic and operation, maybe -- not operation, but strategic, maybe, and you know what, that's fine. That's fine by me. But at the level that I'm at, this is the farthest thing from oil. There is a real threat in the Middle East. Those people hate us. I've never been hated so much before in my life as we run up against some of these people -- and I tell you what, we've got a war going on in Iraq and it's not going on right here, and I believe that, and people may be saying that all over the United States, but I'm telling you. That war is going on over there because we're making that war over there.

INTERVIEWER: One question before I have to go here.

CALLER: Sure.

INTERVIEWER: It's about the fact that you say, "They hate us." Is the degree to which they hate us so profound that you question whether or not we can win, and accomplish this mission of actually creating an Iraq where the people there are free to choose their own way and it will be rooted in democracy?

CALLER: There is no doubt in my mind we can win. As a matter of fact, there's no doubt in my mind that we could finish this whole thing pretty quickly. The one thing that Iraq needs more than anything else is religious freedom, and you don't hear that from a lot of the politicians. Maybe in the inner circles, I don't know, but this is a religious war. They hate us simply because we're not them and until we find some kind of way to bridge that gap -- and maybe just call a spade a spade and let's get it on.

INTERVIEWER: You're talking primarily about the terrorist insurgents, not the general Iraqi population?


CALLER: No, the general Iraqi population -- at least where I was in what they call the Sunni Triangle, I guess -- the Sunnis are mainly westernized. I mean, almost completely westernized. They're more of a pagan. They go to mosque once in a while, but they really don't follow. I'd say it's like a lot of people in the United States that go to church. They go there because they do, but do they follow it during the week? Sometimes not. The Shi'a would be really more the problem because they're a little bit more fanatical, and then we have the Wahhabi coming in from God knows where, and --

INTERVIEWER: Saudi Arabia.

CALLER: -- they're causing a lot of trouble. They're causing a lot of trouble, and it's based -- it's soundly based -- in their religious beliefs. The normal Iraqi person in Baghdad. We have upped their lifestyle maybe a hundredfold. You know, when we first got to Baghdad we could have an Iraqi do anything for us -- and what I mean is be an interpreter for us, or maybe even dig a foxhole for us or whatever -- for a dollar, and they loved it. They would do anything for a dollar.

INTERVIEWER: But now immigrants are the only ones that'll do that work because the Iraqis consider it beneath them?

CALLER: It's becoming that. They want to live a lifestyle like the Kuwaitis, where the Kuwaitis don't work at all. All of their labor is done from outside.

INTERVIEWER: Sounds like Los Angeles.

CALLER: (Laughing.) Thank God I've never been out there.

INTERVIEWER: (Laughing.) CALLER, I'm only kidding. We love Los Angeles here. CALLER, thanks so much for the call. This has been extremely enlightening and informative. You're the real deal. You obviously have been there and done it, and we appreciate you sharing it with us. I'm glad you were able to get through. Thanks for trying.

CALLER: Keep it up.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, that's CALLER from LOCATION DELETED TO PROTECT CALLER, just back from Iraq and about ready to go back.

END TRANSCRIPT

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